This medium has metastasized and has a strong intrusive inclination...

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 22:33:54 GMT

Going from the accepting arms of AICSA wide back to AUCS is kind of a shock to the system.

I miss you all.

OMG ATTENTION!

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 01:04:30 GMT

If you had me alone, locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you have me do?

All comments will be permanently screened because it's a secret. Then, repost this in your LJ. You might be surprised with the responses you get.

I'd like to expand it to say "disregard potential consequences" as well :)

Hopefully I get some interesting answers. I almost never get to be submissive :)

(Anonymous comments should be possible too, if you're feeling chicken)

A reply to my anon meme:

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 02:15:07 GMT

Original here

"I don't know what to think of you. You sometimes act like a great friend and sometimes I don't think I've had a worse enemy. I know one part of you is a great guy and I hope that's not just some façade you project. There is a dark part of you that I see, a malicious side that makes me afraid to be your friend. You seem to be willing to harm your friends and be emotionally manipulative and abusive if you don't get what you want from people.

Part of me wonders if there is anything beyond gratification of your ego that drives you, is any part of your personality genuine. I once knew this awesome guy who I thought of as one of the best people I'd ever known, I wonder if he ever really existed.

I hope that my current perception of you is wrong and you're really the great guy I thought I knew."

My reply:

"You seem to be willing to harm your friends and be emotionally manipulative and abusive if you don't get what you want from people."

I do not think this is the case... I have done malicious and manipulative things in the past but I've tried to put that behind me. On top of that, I've definitely done things that have hurt people, but it was not the purpose of those actions, rather it was to change a life that was not the one I wanted. I'm not a martyr.

I'm hoping that this is just your perception rather than my actions. Perhaps it would help if you could list some things I've done - maybe I can try to explain some of them?

"Part of me wonders if there is anything beyond gratification of your ego that drives you, is any part of your personality genuine. I once knew this awesome guy who I thought of as one of the best people I'd ever known, I wonder if he ever really existed."

I hope he does, but that's up to you. I feel very different today than I did a year and a half ago. I've also learned that that doesn't necessarily mean anything - wants can change, and we can ultimately require something different again to achieve a life that we want. It has never been my goal to hurt anyone.

If I knew my perspective would change, would I have been more cautious? Perhaps - but caution does not fuel love all that directly, and I've never regretted a moment of my relationships. I've never felt a drop of insincerity when I've told someone I love them, and how much I love them. It's all been real.

It still hurts a lot that people I care about so much hate me, but to some extent it is understandable given the circumstances.

I know it will probably never get better at this rate - it hurts when we are excluded from things like friendly drinks, where people who have only a passing connection to the organisers are invited but not us. But even then, when I get a chance to see those people smile, even if they'll never talk to me again, it makes me happy.

If you want to make any further replies, do it in the anon thread. Or here if you can do it anonymously (or not anonymously if you want!)

Anon thread and more...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:17:18 GMT

Congratulations, I've been dwelling on whomever the last commenter was for a few days ago.

lizziesilver : You were right.

Damn you.

Anyway, my time at the moment is spent helping theladylillith study. I've learned quite a bit about psychology recently. Come 4pm Friday it will be all over. :)

Post-Party report

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:36:38 GMT

Thank you all SO much for coming along. I had a great time. I hope everyone else did too.

Our Halloween party was on Saturday. We had a great turnout, and there were people there I hadn't seen in ages, and even if I wasn't able to talk to everyone, it was nice to see them there.

About two hours before the party my old mate Dylan turned up. He's not well known except by long-term friends (like the_nelb) . He's the guy that taught me fire twirling, and made me my first staff. He's been travelling the world for the past four years, and has been in SA only for the last 6 months (living in Mount Barker) having come back (with a wife) because he was infected with some kind of bacteria that needed Australian medical attention. He showed me his collection of carved flutes, I showed him all my fire tricks. At some point during the night he started the trek back to Mount Barker, but it was great to see him.

The party was awesome fun. Most people were costumed, which entertained me. The prize winners were:

1st:
Strawberry Shortcake
phoebevee

2nd:
Pirate Auk
Hogdog

3rd:
Vet Nurse + Rage Virus
janie_fairy

But everyone was dressed up pretty damn stunningly. Lisa made her own Princess Leia costume with the help of her partner (apparently very movie-accurate). tearcreek made for a gorgeous Galinda. There were witches, scary blood-stained messes, a Mad Clare (Thanks Ninja) and so much more.

I'd put up some pictures, but I'm at work. Maybe later (Or check out some of the FB photos).

We had dry ice for the punch, which made for a nice bubbling and gas-extruding cauldron. theladylillith and natalie_kate85 put in heaps of work with the decorations and setting up, even though nat had homework to do, which I really appreciated.

Now to clean up again for apex_chio 's arrival :D

Depressing article for the day...

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:29:28 GMT

Here

Edit: ALEX! Don't click the link anymore. Instead, look at this picture:

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present:

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:32:11 GMT

Jack Skellington riding Yoshi.

Oops...

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 23:09:56 GMT

I got an SMS from the AUCS formal dinner organiser (midwifealice ) sometime in the night saying that she was going to put the numbers in today and she needed to know whether I was coming. I hadn't responded yet. It's this Friday.

I'm pretty sure (given there were probably a few reminders) that she was well within her right to just assume I wasn't going and put the numbers in without me. I just thought it was nice.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 11:10:34 GMT

I has a webcam! That should help with my feelings of remoteness.

Things I've learned today

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 03:20:12 GMT

1) I should read the instructions on the side of powdered chocolate cans even if their use seems obvious at first to me.
2) Nestle Hot Chocolate Complete Mix powder contains powdered milk.
3) Powdered milk + skim milk + microwave = disaster

Life is so incredibly awesome.

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:49:59 GMT

That's all.

How to not get the flu at IV

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:32:33 GMT

1) Interact physically with as many people as will let you.
2) Refuse to take yourself away from anyone who's sick.

To be fair, the plague choir being taken out of the rehearsal room probably helped with my not getting infected...

One more sleep until departure!

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:48:56 GMT

That is all.

FIRE!

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:34:07 GMT

Fire purdy.

My Very Long Weekend

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:33:01 GMT

Gah I hate LJ. Lost my last update, so this one is going to be less interesting and more formulaic.

Thursday Night: Went to ceroc with natalie_kate85 and theladylillith . I had a great time! I worked out that I could dip/drop people other than Nat and Ais.

Friday: Made theladylillith do homework. Went out for dinner together as her reward in advance for getting everything done, and then saw Terminator: Salvation, which was better than I expected.

Saturday: Made theladylillith do more homework. Played SupCom:FA with my Melbourne mate for a long while during that day while she slaved.

Sunday: Went geocaching with her and janie_fairy . We started out at the Pt Adelaide Markets, buying trinkets for treasure replacement. We had lunch and set out for the first waypoint, which conveniently had a car park location associated with it. It took us far too long to find the park, we ended up taking some dirt tracks to nowhere in the middle of a conservation park. When we finally found the right place, there was a 500m hike uphill through the mud to a mostly dried-out waterfall. It was all very pretty, although the girls complained quite audibly about the uphill trek. And the downhill trek. They had a lot of fun though.

We couldn't find the damn cache, and rain was setting in, so we trekked back, and cancelled the rest of our exploration. We headed home, took over the giant LCD in the living room while the family was away and introduced janie_fairy to Left 4 Dead versus mode. There was much screaming and swearing. Mostly Janie's.

Monday: Spent the entire day lounging around. Watched some tv with theladylillith . Played guitar hero for a bit. Watched some Dexter, some Angel. I've started playing Space Station 13, which is really hard to explain and has an enormous learning curve.

FailRyan

Tue, 19 May 2009 23:24:00 GMT

My morning:

Made it to work half an hour late. Dropped a monitor while I was swapping two desktops. Cut finger open on one of them.

There's a piece of my finger somewhere in Kirsty's computer.

I have 1.5 hours of training soon. Hopefully I can't cause too much damage just sitting in the back of the auditorium.

Hyperactivity

Thu, 14 May 2009 13:03:25 GMT

Eating lots of processed sugar = making a dick of myself at dancing.

Then Aislinn and I drove through North Adelaide and Hindley St with the Mortal Kombat Theme, Aqua - Dr Jones, and the Sesame St theme, really really loudly with the windows down.

Thu, 07 May 2009 00:22:21 GMT

Last night was the clubs cup karaoke competition. Alice and Osk did great in their songs, and we came third overall. The people who did better at us were worse technically, but probably put on a better show :) We'll have to make a big scene next year.

We hung around for a short while after. Nat and I did "I don't feel like dancing". Falsetto is fun.

Audrey was a big hit. She was up on the stage for both of our competition performances and also one of the French club's performances. Some dude tried to hit on Nat through Audrey - "Does Audrey want a drink?" etc. Didn't work, and he took a little while to take the hint.

On the way back I got halfway through deflating Audrey and then stuck her head out the window as we drove along listening "Waratah". Audrey is a terrible singer, btw. She's very quiet. Huge lung capacity though. When we got home she had an intimate moment with the vacuum cleaner which tuckered her out pretty quickly.

Bills, Moving Furniture, Food, Diet

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 23:38:10 GMT

I paid an extremely large amount in phone bills (phone is in mum's name), health insurance, car insurance and rego last night. I'm not going to say how much. Then I got pissed off. Then I decided that listening to slipknot in my room loudly was not the best way of dealing with my issues, so I started rearranging my furniture.

Was feeling better later on. I guess since I've been living at home my spending has gone a bit crazy. I spend a lot on food every day because I'm too lazy to go to the supermarket. So, new resolutions:

Will go out on Sunday and buy fruit and up & gos for breakfast and at work time.
Will drink water at work rather than purchased drinks

These two things should allow me to lower my spending while I continue to lose weight (which seems to be going fine for me, despite my inability to stick to the plan on weekends/parties/work lunches/pizza sunday). My daily at-work spend should go from 13 dollars to 4 or so if all I'm buying is a sandwich, plus 2 or 3 dollars worth of groceries.

Then once I've got my shit together I will eventually move out again.

Since I'm on a roll

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 23:45:36 GMT

Good things from last night:

- I've started enjoying the music a bit. Well, I'm humming some of it, so that's a good sign at least.
- Sitting at the front of choir made me feel a bit more involved (despite needing to do some work for work when I wasn't singing).
- Seeing people I don't talk to these days happy and joking around.
- Playing Left 4 Dead with Bec, canadian_kazz and theladylillith .
- canadian_kazz coming out after choir. :P

Happy things

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:17:34 GMT

Since canadian_kazz has been posting all this nice stuff that's been happening to her:

Good stuff that's happened to me:

Found my rings! Apparently they were in my suit pants, which were hanging upside down in my cupboard. Now I have four rings! :) I'm happy because one of them Nat gave me at some point and the other Alice and I bought together. Now I have two rings that rotate, my puzzle ring, and one which has a pattern which is probably thorns, but I'm pretending it's fire.

Went to my cousin's wedding on Saturday, it was very pretty, and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time. Although Nat and I didn't really know many people there, which made it go slow, we had great fun dancing together late in the night and drew a lot of attention with some fancy drops. My Aunt seemed a little miffed at us when we stole the focus though. The waitress spent the night two feet from our table and kept refilling our glasses. I like to pretend that she wanted me or Nat drunk, and not that she was just doing her job.

Went around to the_nelb 's house on Friday and played Vegas 2. We had FOUR xboxes between four of us. It was a very silly night, which ended at around 5am. We learned the joys of C4 with Motion Sensors.

We have new intarwebs at my parents' house, and I played a game with my mate in Melbourne with no lag. Then I spent the rest of the night shooting tourists with the_nelb and his brother and strange people on Live.

A few of us caught up with danman80 on Sunday night, and he seems to be doing well. We ate at some classy joint in Semaphore (Red Rock anyone?) and went back to his ma's place and talked and danced a bit.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 23:31:28 GMT

There is no black and white. Things that seem like irrational actions may in fact be based on a number of unseen reasons. Everyone has their own story, and everyone has their own reasons for doing things.

I have done things over the past few months (the breakup and the following months) that have upset people, but I don't think I've ever done anything without reason. Unfortunately, there are large parts of my story that I will never tell anyone, because I don't wish to harm people I care about, even if I don't get along with them anymore.

I'm not perfect. I lose control occasionally (for example, the committee list discussion on Monday), and sometimes still I even act with malicious intent, but I've been living, for the most part, day by day without this. I acknowledge that by spreading the bad things about people, or being pointlessly aggressive, I'm being someone I hate, and not exactly putting myself in the best position mentally.

Fun is:

Mon, 26 May 2008 12:53:46 GMT

Driving at 95kph up the expressway with the windows down at 8am harmonising (or attempting to do so) with Reel Big Fish which is playing loud enough to scare nearby drivers.

My Melbourne Trip!

Wed, 14 May 2008 13:23:37 GMT

We're home! It's been a great fun few days. We arrived in Melbourne on Friday night, and took the scenic route to Jess and Don's place, using Don's detailed directions. On Saturday morning we all went out busking in Melbourne (which was great fun, it was nice to finally be able to see some of the city). Singing at strangers is always fun!

In the afternoon we went to the Game On Exhibition, which was sweet. We got to see Gazz for the first time in a few weeks. Alice and I took him and saw Iron Man and explored the casino a bit.

On Sunday Alice, Gazz and I went shopping at the DFO on spencer st for three hours. I did more shopping than I've done in ever, driven by the unbelievably painful shoes I brought to Melbourne with me.

Sunday night was spent having a nice dinner with Jess and Don and then some light drinking back at their place...

Don quite tolerantly caught the train in with us early in the morning so that we could get to the hotel (and conference) by 8am.

On monday night Alice and I went hunting for food and ended up in the buffet above the casino. We spent some time embarrassing ourselves in the arcade nearby as well, before crashing back at the hotel in front of an in room movie. Seeing the atrium in the casino was fantastic (especially the music visualisation they've done with the fountains).

Tuesday night was great fun. Apparently getting to Monash was a little harder than we thought, but well worth it to hear the Monucs sound on the rehearsal before their concert. We even got an announcement so that everyone knew who the two creepy people up the back were (thanks Kat). I drank far too much at the pub afterwards and ended up back at the hotel at 1:30am.

I'm so glad we got to see everyone. Hopefully we'll be able to do it again soon.

PS3 vs Wii Ad (Mac Style)

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 21:53:50 GMT

Most of you have probably seen this before:

(probably NSFW)

I found it funny for some reason... or perhaps I'm just forwarding it on because it has a girl in a bikini... I get so confused sometimes...